Mom Guilt

As I sit here in total darkness, drinking my hot green tea I start to reminisce on the day. Today was rough. Some days are worse and some are quite better.

It may have been because my anxiety over moving into a new house is taking a toll….you know, the packing, cleaning, decluttering and organizing. Then when you stack on the duty of motherhood and being a wife; things start to really escalate quickly.

As some of you know I have a little girl, now 3 1/2. She is getting that toddler attitude with sass and all. Go figure. When she doesn’t get her way she screams. Often cries. Some days I just don’t know how to handle it. Oftentimes I hide in the bathroom with chocolate or a quick pick me up. (Glass of wine. 🥂 Cheers!) Most days though I tend to cry in the shower. Days like today? I can’t sleep.

That mom guilt sets in and I tend to overthink every action I did through the day.

“Was I too harsh?”

”Why did I have to yell?”

“Does she hate me?”

”Did I hurt her feelings?”

“Did I play long enough with her today?”

All of these thoughts and more seem to run through my head every night. They keep me up. I can’t help it. I just want to be the best parent I can for my little girl. I want to discipline her without always questioning if I’m the one in the right or wrong. I want to be able and encourage her and show her that she is valuable and loved. There is always room for improvement and I truly believe that.

I tried to go to bed out of frustration this evening and leave my husband on daddy duty. She knew I was frustrated. When she realized I was really going to bed she came and cracked the door open ever so slightly and said “Mommmmmy? I love you.”

If you can imagine that melted my mommy heart strings and I got back up until it was her bedtime.

Then right before she went to bed, she told me that she loved me again.

Many times I wonder if I’m a good enough mom. But tonight? Tonight I know that deep down, my daughter loves me, and even when she knows I’m frustrated she will still let me know how much.